The concept of “liberated relationships” guides my work with people and their relationships. A liberated relationship is one in which each person’s individuality and uniqueness are respected and celebrated within the relationship. Differences are viewed as landscapes of opportunity to expand, nurture, and enrich the relationship, not as reasons for conflict. For example, one partner may exhibit characteristics that aren’t as attentive or organized as the other partner. Instead of trying to get this partner to change who they are, radical acceptance and empathy of this difference may be required in order to nurture this relationship. The more attentive and organized partner may experience frustration or even a lack of care due to this difference, yet if their partner experiences neurodivergence or this is a core part of their personality, this difference needs to be understood and nurtured in this context. Partners need to be honest both about what they can give to and receive from the other and meet one another in that space. 

Ultimately, liberated relationships support the autonomy and decision making of each partner. Relationships can begin to embody codependent tendencies when partners start to take responsibility for each other’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This can lead to dynamics that look like control or manipulation or can result in one partner subsuming their desires and needs in order to please the more dominant partner. In a liberated relationship, each partner takes responsibility for their own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without blaming their partner. This doesn’t mean that their partner is not influencing their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, just that they are not responsible for them. If dynamics of coercive control or manipulation are in play, this idea can be confusing – sometimes individuals are not even aware they are manipulating their partners or that they are being manipulated. Calling out these dynamics is imperative if the goal is to take responsibility for your part in the relationship and begin to foster a new way of relating. Sometimes, a partner is not ready to confront their responsibility and the ways in which their unresolved trauma and shadow projections show up in their relationships. If this is the case, partners will need to be honest about and accept what this roadblock means for them and consider their willingness to stay or leave the relationship based on this information. If partners commit to the experience of vulnerability that comprises the transformation of their relationship into one of interdependence, they can create the potential of greater connection, intimacy, and satisfaction with each other.